she's writing a novel

a lot of her writing tends to be tongue-in-cheek. this is because she grew up in an evangelical tradition which was more concerned about where else she might be putting her tongue.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Quit yer whining

Yesterday at the gym I was watching the music video station while listening to a CD I'd brought. A video by some R&B/hiphip/rap/etc etc artist came on- I think she was some diva or wanna be diva or has been diva. Anyway, from the pained look on her face I could tell that this video wasn't about how good her man's lovin' makes her feel. Neither was it about how that boy needs to be a man and figure out how to give her some lovin' that makes her feel good. It was also not about that bitch who thought she was going to step in and get some of her man's lovin'. Neither was it about a no-good man who used to give her lovin' to make her feel good but now only brought her trouble.

No, this video was about how the world done her wrong.

She parks her luxury SUV next to the curb because she's running inside for just a minute to grab the Versache /Gucci /Dolce&Gabana/etc dresses that have come in for her. But what is this? She comes out to see she's gotten a parking violation ticket! The expression on her face upon discovering this indicates that she is not just irritated, not just inconvenienced, but emotionally anguished by this turn of events.

But there is hope to be had, long-suffering diva, even in this time of trial. If you can afford the Lexus SUV, if you can afford designer dresses, if can afford the 5-bedroom house you walk around crying in later on in this 3-minute testimony to your stupidity and lack of gratitude, you can afford the goddamn parking ticket. Even I can deal with a parking ticket, emotionally and fiscally.

Also, fyi, you do not get to cry about how the world is conspired against you when you live in a house featured on Cribs, when you drive an imported car, when you are wearing a $3000 outfit. Doing so is more vulgar than ripping your top off and letting your song's featured rapper pour champaign down your gold-lamé covered tits.

If you're going to whine, go back to whining like a diva and cry about something like the fact that while your man's sperm has already found your egg, his dick still hasn't found your g-spot.


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